


Wants and Needs

by Threshie



Series: Friends and Lovers [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Castiel, Castiel Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gentle Kissing, M/M, Multi, Neck Kissing, Polyamory, Sharing a Bed, Team Free Will, Top Dean Winchester, Top Sam Winchester, Touchy-Feely, WinCasWin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 20:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12043293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Threshie/pseuds/Threshie
Summary: Sam, Dean and Castiel are in a relationship, but Cas’s conditioning from Heaven forbids being a lover to humans. He doesn’t feel like he’s enough for them without sex involved, and says so.





	Wants and Needs

The latest case was officially closed, and Sam was tired. The ghost they’d been hunting had turned out to be three ghosts, and they’d had him by the throat by the time Dean and Cas got to the room. His voice would be a bit huskier than usual for days, but no permanent harm done. They’d salted and burned the items the ghosts had been hanging onto and checked into the nearest cheap little motel.

Sam went about his nightly routine of brushing his teeth and changing into pajamas on auto-pilot, mind still buzzing a little with the case. He wasn’t used to Cas hunting along with him and Dean yet. They’d only been doing that for about a month. Cas knew that they could take care of themselves, but he insisted on staying near them in light of their new arrangement. 

And that was the other new thing: their relationship. The angel had confessed it all one night after Sam and Dean had come home bloody from a hunt. He loved them — both of them — and wanted to be with them. To take care of them, stay near them, lay with them when they slept. Neither Sam or Dean could deny that they loved him too, and jealousy would have just been stupid. He had feelings for them both. They hadn’t needed any time to consider before they agreed that they could share an angel between them.

Officially, none of them had discussed sex, but unofficially it was off the table. Not only were there some really awkward questions about what the brothers were willing to do around each other, but Cas seemed uncomfortable with the idea. Even after several years, the angel wasn’t perfectly at home in a human body, and he seemed anxious even with the idea of removing clothing together. Sam wasn’t sure if Dean had gotten to kiss anywhere but his cheek yet; he knew that he hadn’t.

Sam suspected darker reasons for avoiding the physical side of things, so he didn’t push it. Dean didn’t, either. They really weren’t in this relationship for sex, anyway. Cas loved them unconditionally, something neither of them was used to. It didn’t matter if they were imperfect, or if they made mistakes, or whether they deserved it — he loved them anyway. It was amazing.

The angel wasn’t shy about hugging and touching them, either — he was very comfortable with the brothers by now. They all knew and trusted each other enough to let down their guards, and Cas trusted them not to make any moves he wasn’t expecting or wanting. He did his best to show his love for them in his own way, like holding them while they slept. He would alternate which of the brothers’ beds he spent the night in — the main reason he wanted to come along on their hunts now, besides healing them. Tonight was Sam’s turn.

Castiel had changed into the pajamas they’d gotten him, Sam noted as he stepped out of the bathroom and took a seat on the side of his bed. The angel was seated at the top, leaned back against the soft white motel room pillows, and glanced at him when he came near. The blue pajama shirt brought out his eyes and made his hair look even darker, somehow. There was just enough stubble on his chin to make his lips look pink by comparison. Cas was beautiful, really — he actually looked like an angel. 

A sad angel, right now.

Why was he sad? Maybe he wanted to spend the night with Dean? Sam knew they had a closer bond. He was trying very hard not to be jealous about that, especially since Dean seemed completely okay with sharing Cas with him. 

“Something on your mind?” He asked, scooting a little closer on the edge of the bed.

“No. Yes,” Castiel admitted, contradicting himself. He glanced over at the little kitchen area of the room, where Dean had just gotten a beer out of the fridge. Sensing that a serious discussion was coming, Sam’s brother circled around to stand closer to the two of them. Sure enough, Cas took a deep breath and sat up from the pillows, folding his hands on his lap.

“You can’t be happy with this,” he told them.

Sam moved even closer, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Aren’t you happy with us?” He asked, voice cracking a little. Damned ghosts…he didn’t mean to sound so wrought over this. Maybe he should have been, though — if Cas wasn’t happy or comfortable with their arrangement, they’d call it off, no question. He wasn’t sure how he’d be able to deal with that. He really did love Cas.

“Of course!” The angel seemed distressed they would even think he was unhappy with them, though. Sam felt a little guilty for being so relieved. “I just…I’m not enough for you,” Cas continued. “Both of you, you need more than just to hug me.” He sighed.

Oh.

Sam climbed onto the bed to sit beside him, slipping an arm around his shoulders. Cas seemed smaller without the usual layers of clothing and trench coat wrapped around him.

“You’re enough,” he told the angel gently, peering down at him. “We don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do. Right, Dean?”

“Yeah, of course.” Dean abandoned his beer on the bedstand and took a seat on the other side of the bed, scooting up against Cas as well. The angel reached out and took one of his hands. “This’s pretty different from what I’m used to,” Dean admitted, “But it’s…good. We’re got something really good. We love you, man.”

Sam smiled and kissed the angel’s cheek, murmuring, “Yeah we do.”

Cas looked up at him for a long moment, blue eyes searching his. 

“I-I love you, too. But all I’ve done is to say it,” he said sadly, glancing over at Dean as well. “You hugged me when I was only your friend.”

“Friends don’t sleep in the same bed,” Sam pointed out, rubbing his shoulder gently. He wondered where exactly Cas got his idea of a normal romantic relationship from. Soap operas? Porn? Hopefully not from porn.

“Lovers don’t only sleep,” the angel replied sadly, leaning against his side. He still kept hold of Dean’s hand, and seemed to want to be closer to both of them than he was now.

“Do you WANT to do more with us?” Dean blushed as he said it, but Sam was glad one of them did. “Kind of thought you didn’t.”

“I…” Cas seemed to shrink under their questioning looks, hiding against Sam’s side somewhat. Sam hugged him closer and ran a hand down his back, trying to be reassuring. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, was it? Heaven had conditioned him not to do this with humans.

The brothers sometimes saw glimpses of Castiel’s “education” from Heaven — alarm at the sound of the coffee grinder, or a shaken look under bright fluorescent lights. Sam didn’t know exactly what he’d been through, but if the process to “hack” Samandriel was any indication, it was some form of torture. The coffee grinder incident had left Cas so shaken that it had taken a few hours to calm him down.

And now this. He obviously wanted more from their relationship, but he seemed scared to admit it. It wasn’t fair. Cas didn’t even answer to Heaven anymore.

Dean raised a hand to cup the angel’s face, stroking his cheek gently with a thumb. 

“Hey…it’s okay. We’d never do anything you don’t want,” he promised. “Look at me, Cas. You trust me, right?”

Cas did look up at him when he asked, and nodded quietly.

“Yes.”

“And do you trust Sam?”

The angel’s gaze flicked to Sam, anxious. 

“O-of course.” 

“We trust you, too,” Sam murmured, meeting his eyes. Cas was so strong, far stronger than either of them. He could easily throw them across the room if he wanted to. That something as soft as kisses might scare him broke Sam’s heart. That he might be afraid of THEM hurting him.

“You’re safe with us. It’s not gonna hurt if we do this, I promise,” Dean assured him, leaning in close. “And if we do anything you don’t like, just say stop. We’ll stop. Okay?” A tiny nod was his only reply. Cas couldn’t even look at him. Still, Dean was allowed to press a soft kiss to his ear. Sam felt the angel shiver the tiniest bit against him, but he didn’t protest.

“See? Friends don’t kiss,” he told Cas fondly, trying to to make him smile. He tilted the angel’s chin, and blue eyes gazed up into his, at once both scared and anticipating. He didn’t smile, but he did move closer when Sam leaned down to bring their lips together. The kiss was a very gentle, innocent one. Thanks to a particularly memorable moment with Meg, Sam was well aware that Castiel knew how kissing worked, but they needed to take this slow.

Cas actually pressed back into the kiss a bit, surprising him. His lips were a little chapped, but soft and warm. Sam pulled back after a moment and smiled down at him, overwhelmed by just how much he could love one person.

“Still okay?” Dean asked Cas, slipping an arm around his waist. Their angel glanced from Sam over to him and blushed, nodding. 

“This is nice,” he admitted. Dean smiled, leaning in to press a tiny kiss to the side of his neck. That definitely made Cas shiver — and press closer to Sam’s side. 

“Th-that…”

“Do you like it?” Dean tried kissing his neck again, and the angel made a little whimper, clinging to Sam. 

“I-I do.” 

“It’s okay if you don’t,” Sam assured him, shooting Dean a disapproving look. Cas knew he could tell them to stop, but maybe he would push himself if he thought that was what they wanted.

“No, I-I do. It’s just…new,” Cas confessed, stealing Sam’s attention again with the little shake in his voice and the blush in his cheeks. He bit his bottom lip, eying Sam’s own and taking a steadying breath. “Will you kiss me again, Sam?”

That didn’t sound like pushing himself.

“As much as you want,” Sam promised, tilting his head up to oblige him. He parted his lips, stroking the angel’s cheek with his thumb. He felt Cas hesitate, but then he melted into the kiss, parting his lips as well. They breathed into each other, tasted each other, and for a moment Heaven and earth were far away.

When they parted, Cas stared at him with wondering blue eyes.

“Does everyone kiss like that?” 

“Maybe you can tell us,” Dean suggested, turning his face to kiss him next. He got no objections from Cas, who slipped an arm up around his neck. He closed his eyes and sighed pleasantly as their lips met, and Sam felt a strange blend of happiness and longing in his chest. He could do this. He could share Cas. Dean needed Cas as much as he did, and Cas needed both of them.

While his brother was still kissing the angel’s lips, Sam bowed his head to press warm kisses to the side of Castiel’s neck. The shiver it drew from the angel only spurred him on. He’d said he liked it before. Working his way down toward Cas’s shoulder, Sam teased a little whimper from him. It came from somewhere in the back of his throat, his mouth still claimed by Dean’s. Sam felt a hand on his head, fingers tangling in his hair and pulling him closer. He obliged by pressing Cas back into the soft pillows, trailing kisses across his collar bone until the edge of his shirt got in the way.

Dean broke away finally, breathless as his fingers worked to unbutton the blue pajamas. The moment the soft fabric could be moved, Sam pulled it aside, placing kisses over Cas’s heart. He felt the angel tense suddenly, though, his hand clutching at Sam’s hair.

“S-stop, stop…”

They both stopped with their kissing and undressing, sitting up. Cas was breathless, too, his cheeks flushed and his dark hair tousled. Sam was struck by how gorgeous he was all over again.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, obviously worried they’d pushed too hard.

“I…yes, I just can’t,” Cas replied guiltily, looking down at his unbuttoned shirt. He sucked in several deep breaths, trying to steady himself. “I-I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sam promised, laying down beside him. He rested his head on Cas’s shoulder, and shaky fingers combed slowly through his hair. Cas sighed.

“I want to…I want…” He trailed off, though. He just couldn’t say it.

“Would it be okay if I sleep over here with you guys tonight?” Dean asked quietly. He phrased it to both of them, but he was really asking what Cas wanted. 

There was a guilty look in his eyes. Sam felt it, too. He hadn’t wanted to stop, either. What Cas needed overruled what they wanted, though.

The angel held out his other arm, inviting Dean to lay down with them. He did, resting his head against Cas’s chest. Sam watched as his brother’s hair was petted, too.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Dean whispered, looking at the buttons of Cas’s shirt not far from his face. He looked sad now, Sam thought. He was sure Dean was also thinking of whatever Heaven must have done to Cas to make him so afraid of this. Of being loved.

“Yes,” the angel assured them both, his voice steadier. “I’m glad that we did this.”

“You don’t have to do anything more,” Sam told him gently. “If you don’t want to.”

The angel blushed again at that, looking down at them both fondly.

“I do want to. I just…need time.” He sighed a little. “Thank you for being patient with me.”

“We wanna do whatever you wanna do,” Dean told him, closing his eyes. He really seemed to like having Cas play with his hair. Sam had to admit that it felt nice. “We’ll go as slow as you want.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a little shy to post this one, but I'm biting the bullet and sharing it anyway. I hope somebody likes it. Kudos and comments always appreciated!


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